blah

2008-09-15T14:55:00.000+08:00

Your dreams are a vision of where you will be after the battle,
your prize at the end of your journey to success.
Your goals are the steps you take to finally attain your prize.

Unless you ‘re willing to work hard and establish some discipline in your life,
All of your dreams will be pipe dreams,
little mental fantasy trips that will never materialize.

Make concrete steps toward fulfilling your ultimate dream,
and start with solid objectives called goals.

Your dreams are where you want to go,
your goals are how you get there.

The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide
what you want:

Don’t be afraid to think big and dare to be great.
Dreamers are not content with mediocrity.
They never dream of going halfway.

People with dreams and goals succeed because they know where they’re going.

everything is just path out nicely for me.. i do not have a vision or a dream.. since young, i've always taken the easy way out.. following the crowd..taking the safest route.. following my brother's footpath.. and only when i get the results.. then i will decide where or what i wanna do..
perhaps that's why i do not know how to get up once i fall.. i do not have a goal in life..

i've fallen.. hard. now.
and it took me almost a year to realise it..
stop dreaming, stop hoping for miracles to happen.. come back to reality..
made a toughest decision in my life.. took me much courage to make that..
and i need your support..

2008-08-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2008-08-12T00:00:00.001+08:00

on this special day.. just wanna take this chance to specially dedicate this post to..

the one who impacts my life..

the one who left a lasting legacy for me..

the one who is always there for me whenever i need..

remember the time when we did our very best to save dominic? taking out all our savings for him.. you are the one who comforted me, stayed with me whole night when dominic passed away.. in times of despair, you are there for me.

you excel in everything you do.. always striving for the best..

you are my role model.. even though we do not talk much or see each other much.. i know you care. thanks for everything you've done for me, bro.

Jia you, to be in the Flight Training, Adelaide.. to get shortlisted outta so many people is a dream come true for you. take care always..

lastly, HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-07-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

ya've got no idea how much i love her! =D

2008-07-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you just have to walk away. i know, we all hate to fail, hate to give in, hate to give up and that we love the challenge of life and want to keep on until whatever we are trying to 'win' has been overcomed, vanquished, beaten, won. but at times, it just aint gonna happen and we need to learn to recognize those moments, learn how to philosophically shrug and walk away with our pride intact and our dignity held high. afterall - its not your fault on your part.

sometimes you really want to do something and yet it is unrealistic. instead of knocking yourself out, cultivate the art of walking away and youll find that things will seem a lot less stressful. learn the art of walking away.

its not that we cant push ourselves and reached for the stars. its not that we cant pass the finish line in the shortest possible time. but because we're only humans and only want to fit in nicely. we're all just too lazy to go that extra mile. someone once told me - 'do your best in whatever you undertake, else you can just save the effort. ' for you and i both know, as much as it makes sense, majority of us behave otherwise.

and the past few days were no exception for me.not that i didnt predict my performances, but i guess i should have just known better. its not so much about the imperfection or flaws that im constantly rambling about.

its really about something good gone wrong. i realised, everytime i expect - the disappointment is always greater, no less.

2008-07-11T23:33:00.000+08:00

(alison is the photographer)

acathyal =)

2008-07-10T00:10:00.000+08:00

the cute little ones from sembawang country camp! [9 June - 11 June]

Compassvale Campers [30 June - 2 July]
best group =)

Mendaki Bedok NPC campers [3 June - 6 June]

best group =)

Hougang Sec Leaders [16 June - 18 June]

2008-07-02T16:30:00.002+08:00

West Spring Sec at Pahang. (20th May - 23rd May).
the camp was GREAT! had no mirror (dun ask why).. they were really good =)

the group

see how united?? lol.. 360 degree changed.

the gang.

fellow instructors!! doing stupid things.. INFRONT of campers..

in the train on the way there...

White Water rafting!!!!

the big men sharing a small packet of rice =)

CIP

miss my campers!! miss the 'head-slapping' gang..

2008-06-02T22:10:00.000+08:00

Tired! =(

Next Camp - tmr (3rd - 6th June)
Mendaki Bedok South NPC.
4 instructors only. and im the only female.
Bottle Tree Park..
Imagine bathing at night alone in cold icy water.. AHHH!!!

2008-06-01T11:08:00.000+08:00

After Kota tinggi,
dunman high school camp at St john's island (13th to 16th May)
West Spring Sec camp at Pahang (20th to 23rd May)
Gan Eng Seng Pri camp at Lac (29th to 31st May)

for west spring, pahang trip.. photos just cant seem to be uploaded to blogger. BOO! anyway, im still waiting for mojo's set of photos.. haha. Pahang trip was great, if you were to ask me. especially with all the 'gi-nas' haha. we did white water rafting, CIP etc.. the kids enjoyed themselves. Me too haha.. got sabo-ed lots and lota times... BOOOOO
reply to hadi : haha see who slap who! LOL!! joking.. really miss u guys.

Gan Eng Seng, OH gosh.. shouldnt have taught the kids how to play ouch-obi-obi. got slapped by zhixuan so badly that you can see the veins popping out and also bruise. one big patch..

the gal is still tired after 16-hours of sleep haha! still upload the pic after Mojo passed me his set of pics. haha. tata!

Radin Mas P6 Camp

2008-05-12T18:48:00.009+08:00

decided to retrieve the blog which is supposed to be dead like .. 1 yr ago?
just got the sudden urge to blog.. perhaps MIA too often nowadays..
(no, i blog not becos im emo.. *look at pantianhon*)

was contemplating if i should just create a totally new blog, a new tagboard etc.. but then again.. im too lazy to do so. haha. so yea other than blogskin.. everything remains the same =))

______________________________________________

anyway, im back from kota tinggi! (my first overseas camp)

the camp was SUPERB!! had a great mirror --> OLIVER WONG! haha. a big thankew =)

everything was cui at first..

every other groups have only 12-15 campers.. while me and my mirror, we have 22 kids EACH?! (so we are just basically taking one class each) the most notorious batch in the school.

FIVE teachers attached to us. ~~teachers all cui~~.. there's a sitting arrangement for the kids on the bus.. and the teachers scolded them when they change without informing the teachers (~~ehh harlo, we are going for a camp.. why so strict?!~~) splitted in 2-3 buses. bus-driver cui too.. we cant eat, we cant stand on the bus etc.. so basically we did not do anything on the way there while the rest have already taught cheers etc.

CIP: i was the only instructor on the bus with 2 other ~~cui~~ teachers. the driver got lost and we travelled for more than 4hrs =) it's the best excuse to nuan. haha.. yea.. but the teachers and the gals became paranoid and keep asking if we are lost etc..

Water rafting: none of my kids are from scouts or guides.. so basically im the only one there tying the knots. the ropes all cui.. pull one time snap one time =(( and we all spent like 2hrs just to tie all the raft?! yea.. after that, we allowed them to have mud-fight, water splashing (washing up at the tap there instead of showering in cubicles).. since they promised to keep all the equipment nicely. yepz they enjoyed it =D

trekking: 6 leech-attack from my major (i got none *smiles*).. when passing messages like ("be careful, of the hanging tree braches ahead"), my boys.. mischievously pass down any thing they can think of e.g "condom ahead" .. "cow dung ahead" etc.. had a great time laughing. none of them complained tired as they had lots of fun looking at the ground while trekking trying to spot condoms.. haha.

campfire: was really proud of all of them! i can proudly say that our groups (me and oliver's) are the very few groups whose warcries really sound like warcry.. and the boys keep bugging us to make them rehearse again and again =) instead of repeating after us.. they request to sing the cheer together (yea yea sa bu leh) so yeah.. haha.

the boys (the malays, they call themselves power rangers)- they were so naughty yet so fun! and they are really cute! (im not phaedophile!) At night, instead of sleeping, they went to play with other people's tents and trying to make it collapse.. ~~they made stupid actions in front of ppl's tents.. u know those actions of ppl having sex?!~~ they gossip like gals! and whenever someone got punished, we (oliver and i) straight away look at each other.. and asked "issit ur group or my group?" (this is how naughty the boys can be haha) oh and they came to me and asked me this "instructor, u got G-SPOT! *giggles*(points at my booties)" omg! they are only p6 kids.. i only found out what is G-Spot when im in sec 4 lah.

oh and did i mention they fight over rubbish?! during area cleaning, we threw them a challenge, whichever group that empty the whole bin of rubbish into the trash bags first will be the winner.. omg and u can really see them fighting over rubbish.. snatching everything.. and when a teeny weeny little drop out from the bin... "EH!! that one is MINE!! it dropped out from MY bin!!!" *snatch* (instructors all laughing - kids are kids)

but all of them changed so drastically over the 2 days that they got themselves the best groups (me and oliver's)!!! so happy for them =))

highlight of the camp (the way the instructors bath at night) - we shampooed, soaped ourselves thoroughly.. and we .. JUMPED into the COLD ICY swimming pool! (there's a swimming pool at the resort there) bathing in the open with clothes all soaped inside, changing with fellow female instructors blocking instead of walls shielding us.. had LOTS of fun!

next camp: 13 - 16. Dunman high School

2007-06-30T10:10:00.001+08:00

this is a very stupid conversation from a stupid person - pan tian hon.

sms sent 29 june, 1.05am:
me to him : hey what windows are you using
sms replied 30 june, 9.52am:
he sent: erm. those iron steel de. my mum say liddat more safe coz stronger.
-i read and stunned for a moment, re-read the whole message.. burst out laughing to myself (early in the morning, the moment i woke up)-
my mom came into the room: had a funny dream? why u laughing so hard to urself?
me to my mom: er nono my fren very cute. (can u believe i use the word 'cute' ? ok.. it's an insult so dont rejoyce.)
message reply from me to him: computer windows what la!! who cares about your house windows! i wanna see whether i can break in meh!
(still laughing to myself while i type)
he replied: very hard to say de.. U are huiying lo..
(argh!! yaya im huiying not pan tian hon.. not so dumb! HAHAHHA!)
he sent another before i can reply: u want to lend window from me? issit? issit? issit? issit? shi bu shi? issit? diu bu diu?
replied: BU DIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (haha!)
-stupid person makes me laugh so hard early in the morning and my mom thinks im insane-

2007-06-29T18:49:00.000+08:00

why is everything so depressing.
everything.. i see..
everything.. i hear..
everything.. i know..

he's gone. just like that.
on the night before my maths paper.
spent the whole night crying with someone on the phone..
thinking of him throughout the whole paper..

love can be such a cruel thing..
it makes one kill himself..

-RIP-

2007-06-22T13:04:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18th Birthday! SITI NUR AIN! *hugs*

i miss celebrating birthday for this girl here.

on her 15th: we were at bishan macs and we purposely ask for THREE balloons. wrote "A" , "I" and "N" on each of the balloon... she had to carry with her all around.. haha.

on her 16th: we bought a cake for her... but we were SO HUNGRY and we end up attacking her cake =X

and.. i miss her.

2007-06-20T15:38:00.000+08:00

its good to be idle - to celebrate the laziness, to attack the work culture which has demoralized and depressed many of us. -me.
they think its a waste of time to do absoultely close to nothing, but little did they know doing nothing is actually hard work. This is because we are constantly surrounded by people who want to make us do work.
being idle is about being free, about being free to live the life we want to lead, about being free from restrictions and lies you hear everyday. Being idle is all about pleasure, fun and joy. maybe its time we all stand up on our own feet and not be piggybacked. for one day, who knows what might come our way and we'll then be entitled to slavery - entitled to a lifetime of sufferings.

ok crap.. and i shall STOP deceiving myself. im just so dead for midyears.. wasted my one month away.. doing.. "hard work" and i cant believe my butt has been parked here, infront of my com since i woke up this morning.. or rather.. noon time.

2007-06-15T12:24:00.000+08:00

what are all these ~~kids~~ young people doing in the middle of the night at 1am?!

[left to right] joshua (he's botak now!), kat (my laogong but she's ditching me for an indian guy=X ),

the innocent and demure girl (of cos i am. haha), jean, kaijun (NIE teacher =X)

with so much money?! $1k to be exact!

_________________________________________

met up with the kayaking peeps last night. haha
ppl are getting weirder and weirder especially after one go NS and one become a teacher!
1st gathering - kakayking. meeting place at pasir ris seasports at 9am on a sunday
2nd gathering - kakaying. meeting place at pasir ris seasports at 10am on a sunday
after a few months...
gathering - dinner. meeting place at plaza sing at 6pm. one came in SRJC uniform. one came in SAJC uniform.
gathering - buffet dinner. at some posh restuarant at 8pm?
gathering (last night) - supper. at bishan mrt at 10.15pm
(not 10pm not 10.30pm. it's 10.15pm weird uh? ppl are getting weird these days.. )
the next gathering shall be supper again at 11.15pm at woodlands =D haha

oh about the money.. we ~~didnt rob nor steal, dont worry~~ are good ~~kids~~ teenagers! went to withdraw money with josh then after that kaijun wants to check his balance.. (but i didnt know!) so i thought he's withdrawing money too.. he was standing in front of the machine for SUPER LONG lah! so i just ran over and press the $1000 button for him. gosh. he immediately press the cancel button.. but heh too late. 20 pieces of $50 notes came out! then tried to deposit in again.. but the deposit machine is spoiled! HAHA =X nono i mean i really didnt know he has at least 1K in his account! ~~(i shall not tell anyone that after that 1k is being withdrawed, there's still 3k plus in ur account! HAHA)~~ im so innocent

that time tian hon was withdrawing money too at whitesands and i pressed enter for him too quickly before he can press the amount he wants.. -$20.15 idiot uh? hmph hhaha ok ok jon is right. stay away from me if u wanna withdraw money.

~~anyway... someone got drunk/high~~

(retarded) future tai-tai! =D

cab home with kaijun and jean! hahaha

time: 1.15am

2007-06-12T19:57:00.000+08:00

havent been studying much. arrrr sheesh.
i just cant wait for 6th july.. for the stayover party
i miss acathyal.

i miss kayaking peeps - joshua (will u faster come out of NS?!), kat (my laogong!) & jean.
i miss eufouria.
i miss my "family" - dory, ber, rachel, dinah, grace, jodine..
i miss ramro.
i miss 209
i miss elysium
i miss jantagx
i miss the indons - reny and chrestealla setiyadi!
i miss the animals kingdom - goat lim! zebra chia! ducky chen!
i miss bhwy
i miss tpjcs19

this is just so random. period.

2007-06-08T11:56:00.001+08:00

Time doesn’t heal all wounds, and when there are wounds there will always be scars visible only to the heart. No matter how hard one tries to hide it, the heart will always remember the origin of the pain. Memories, recollections, regrets.
chained and shackled.

Allowing a moment of longing to pass her by, She closed her eyes. She felt tears well up in her eyes, but still she willed the images in her head to play back in full clarity. More images began flashing in her mind’s eye, and she was vaguely reminded of the old saying of how one’s life flashed before one’s eyes before death. In her case it was almost something like that – except that she was already dead inside.

Regrets. It was the regret of being such a failure inside, unable to let the past go, unable to leave his memory behind. After all, it is in the nature of people to place all blame on themselves for their sadness and sorrow. No doubt she wished for the days with him to come back, but she had already resigned herself. Not to fate, but to the fact that the past could never ever be revived. Yet even so she could not stop the memories haunting her day and night, every waking moment.

just feeling random.
//period//

2007-06-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

shut it shut it shut it!!!!!
shut the fcuking bitch up!!
im not ur puppet
*(**(^%&*$%^#!(*(^!&*%!^!*^&!%^!
nothing matters anymore

2007-06-02T23:24:00.000+08:00

busy busy busy. busy packing everything
and i havent been studying! AHHHH!
wasted another day..

ohh anyway guess what?! today went to view houses again and one of those is at blk 489C which is like opposite/next to where aaron staying?! HAHA ohh and it's super near to joey's too... hmm
nvm. they dun like it. so haha.

just wish everything would right itself
and be stable for me again
i took it all for granted once
i'm sorry. is there another chance?

~~limemint,are u my stra******? cos i still l*** y** too.~~

2007-05-31T11:55:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BDAY LOVELY! haha.. 10 years of friendship if you realised.. still loving you! haha..

HAPPY BDAY WANQI!

HAPPY BDAY WENYUAN!

2007-05-25T13:39:00.000+08:00

birthday bash! tianhon and siwee haha.
____________________________

1/4 of my stuff. haha. the rest not yet packed =X

____________________________

broken lives, broken hearts, Is He really able to save it?

2007-05-23T20:28:00.000+08:00

colosseum 2007.

ate medicine in the morning.
thought will be fine..
but still vomited. quite a bit.
reddish puke. bloody.. maybe.
maybe i should have listen to my mom
not to go school today.
oh well. my ankle hurts. since mon.
and it still does.

im just not a short-distance runner i guess
i just sux at it..
if not for waiyin..
we would not have gotten 2nd.
in the 4 x 400m race.
perhaps if i didnt run...
they might get first.
i still prefer road race afterall =)
perhaps im just more of a long-distance runner
but still sux as compared to those kayakers =(

im proud of my dancers..
who took part in the 4 x 100m race.
overall 2nd! lose to floorball.
club and society: 1st
that's the gals.

the guys.. overall 6th.
club and society: 3rd
well done ppl.

tmr soccer finals. against RJ.
go fahmi! =)

2007-05-22T18:48:00.000+08:00

never had such painful gastric before..
stayed in the toilet for more than one hour..
cried and vomited..
didnt even complete the race..
worst timing ever..
i'm sorry.

thanks to those who stay around.. (ur presence.. ur sms.. ur call)
-miko
-lihan
-dorea
-henry
-waiyin
-desheng
-tianhon

2007-05-19T11:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it's wrong to walk away
Though you think it's over
Knowing, there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way world goes round

Have you ever lost and loved somebody
Wishing there's a way to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, it's the way I feel about you and me
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know Cos I loved and lost,
The day I let you go

Can't help but think that is wrong
We should be together
Back in, your arms where I belong
Now I finally realise, it was forever that I'd found
I'd give it all to change the way goes round
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away
Can't you see
And though the moments go
I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

I loved and lost the day I let you go

2007-05-18T14:56:00.000+08:00

everything's over now... just over. after what happened yesterday. ok i admit i cried behind LT1. but so? it's time to let go..

_______________________

PE GAMES ELECTIVES! hahaha

-windsurfing
-wakeboarding
-kayaking

yay! hahahaha.. this is my only chance to windsurf/wakeboard! LOL! i cant do it outside.. cos there's weight limit! BOO! haha.. but no one's going with me =( oh well. just cant wait. wanted archery, fencing, dragon boating, inline skating, ice-skating too! haha but too bad only can choose one. and its time for me to learn sth new! haha.. fencing and archery tried before when im still a tkgian.. im pro k! LOL! skating.. if only they provide K2 skates. haha but i dun think so. but i want canoe polo! they dont have =(

WINDSURF! YAY! hahaha.. tan tan, if u are reading this.. ahhahah... i've got my chance! when u gonna put on weight?! LOL.

[edited] oh someone just told me there might be weight limit to windsurf and wakeboarding! oh crap means if they only tell me on that sat.. then they will ban me from going into the sea and will reallocate me to another sports with vancancies! AHHHH NONONO pls NO! i shall go ask ms lee on mon! hahahahaha.. hmm..

2007-05-17T20:09:00.000+08:00

the tears that ive been holding back for weeks.. for months..
cant believe it.. such a disappointment.. i actually ____ in school today..
no, it's NOT gonna affect me..
miko, slap me please.. if this happened again.

2007-05-12T21:30:00.000+08:00

i still miss him.. no doubts.

2007-05-11T20:15:00.000+08:00

no more dance. no more CCA. "turn around fast" that's what i have to do. argh. (quoted from ms lai). physics test on tue. yet i dont know a single thing about those topics tested.
Maths test, 20/25. after 2 marks being deducted from writing the wrong sf. (1 mark minus for the intermediate ans and 1 mark minus for the overall sf which i wrote wrongly! argh)

~~went popeyes after school. and nononono.. i dont eat that much lah. =((( just a tiny, teeny little bit more than u lah..~~

1) yesterday, he ____ _____ to _____. today, he brought a _____ to _____, although he's the one who ___ _____, but she's the one ________ __, yet he's the one who ____ it ____ ___.
why do i have to ____ those _____? it ____. it really ______.

2) I dont ____ XXX. but he's so so so _____. =) which makes me wanna _____. when ___ ____, he ____ ____ ____ of ___. awwwwwww!

3) I miss ____, ______!!!!!! why are you the ____ __ _____?!

4) he __ totally _____ __ can?! =X

5) last night, they _______. I ___ at ____!!!! and today i was ____ ______!! I ____. i'm _____. who ___ be ____ then?

BOO!!!! ok ignore me.

wouldnt it be much easier if you got a letter in the mail when you were seventeen , signed by someone who had a direct pipeline to ultimate meaning in life, telling you exactly who you are and what your true destiny is? then you could carry this letter around in your pocket, with you every single second. and when you got confused or distracted and suddenly feel all melted down, youd reach for your wallet and grab the letter and read it again and go "oh, yes".

I came across the escapism for many and all thats been said or screamed at and noticed the amount of criticisms, lies, hatred residing amongst all of them. criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive side and usually makes him strive to justify himself. criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

if only we could start all over again..

2007-05-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

i feel so loved haha.
mon - J1s held a party just for us. an informal "welfare" ok maybe not "welfare" just celebrations.. u know.. SYF? haha. they ordered at least 20 boxes of pizzas, drinks and everything.. yea there's at least 20 boxes.. didnt count though.. they made *some* of us cry. blast music in the dance studio and we had 50 mins plus of non-stop dance. everyone was super high and everyone was crazy..

totally lost my voice now. throat infection. feel cold throughout the whole day even during tutorials when it's in the classroom.
didnt go sch yesterday..fever.. and someone came visit. told reny abt it and all she can say is "haha nitendo wanna upgrade to PSP uh?" LOL!!! ~~(only certain ppl understand)~~
and i realised how caring my classmates can be! (not sarcastic)
reny and miko became my "voice" today.
mr gohel declared today, 4th may as the official "hit-huiying-day" he says that wanna bully.. bully now. i cant say anything. cant attack back.. and that they seldom have the chance to do so.. so make good use of today. BOO.
recess, wanted to eat laksa.. miko and reny.. one says "NO!" the other "CANNOT!" and u know.. with them around.. everything i also cannot eat. not even cold drinks. RAHHHH
jon gave me strepsils.. and he forced me to talk to him. (not that i dun want. just that i cant!)
peterpan sent me home today. bully and tease me along the way lah. stupid person. but haha.. thanks la!
the motherly waiyin too... on the way back.. "nono cannot eat seaweed" BOO!!!! hahahaha
oh and ms chua, yesh i will drink lots of herbal tea haha. dont worry.. lol! vv funny.. cos we communicate by writing what we wanna say on my assignment paper. then she can just simply reply me straight.. but she write down what she wanted to say too. LOL!
communicate via sms text today. imagine if my phone no batt. haha.

yesh yesh i will get well soon! and im not that weak hahahaha.. thanks ppl! love ya! and to you-know-who-you-are: thanks for saying things like.. "huiying is short right? yay! huiying never say anything. see she agrees.." blah blah blah.. MONDAY U WATCH OUT! HAHAHAH.. i will have my revenge! LOL! just kidding!

someone wrote this on my hand..

someone copy me!

2007-04-27T19:50:00.000+08:00

" Ehhhhh
I am not together with W okay!!!
Let me explain: We were seen at Mac on a Wednesday together alone because, apparently, SOMEONE pang seh-ed me. And we are in the same class, so it is natural we are seen around each other!
And if you know me well enough, you'd know me and him are from totally different worlds!
I didn't know rumours spread within nanoseconds. I feel so watched!!! T.T why why why. Oh lol.
I am still single, alone, by myself, hoping a nice guy will come and tell me he feels the same way, and and...yeah you get the idea.
Very much single. :) "

this was taken from miko's blog. ok i did promise her that i will clarify sth. but havent had the time to do so.. busy with dance etc.. okok.. that wednesday, yesh my class supposed to go MACS for breakfast.. W is the one who asked. so miko, me and W.. supposed to eat together.. but u know.. that tue, dance ended at 10pm and i reach home super late, slept at 1am++? yah and i couldnt wake up the next morning.. was even late for school even though it starts at 8.30am so obviously i unintentionally "pahseh" them.. overslept. and yesh the SOMEONE mentioned is ME! haha. oppps .. i'm SO SO SORRY MIKO! do you still love me? haha..

2007-04-26T20:31:00.000+08:00

hahaend of SYF. and can u believe it? haha MJC DANCE SOCIETY GOT A GOLD! =D im so happy lah. yeah really proud of every single one of my dancers..
a dance group with only 2 seniors with dance background.. no techniques.. but yeah we did our very very best =)
this journey isnt easy..
bruises, cuts, injuries, tears, sweat, insults, scoldings, ups and downs..
trained till 9pm, 10pm... come back on sats..
we've made it! =D thanks to our instructors, ms wee e-chiing and mr zaki! haha

before the competition, we were so screwed. faizal had to go home last min.. high fever. so last min change a bit of the formation.. deborah nose-bleed. everyone's just sick lah...
determination. i guess

thanks for all the encouragements along the way... and all the smses before/after the competition.
-mr brandon gohel, thanks for listen to all my complaints online.. always there when im down =) helping me with my school work, helping me to plan my time properly, cheering me up (by acting cute) haha.. okok joking.
-ms cheyenne chua, thanks for that sms u sent the night just before the competition. i really feel encouraged and yea.. it sorta motivated me to do my best. =))
-zihao, haha... not forgetting u lah. didnt expect u to remember my SYF date and send me a good luck msg the night before.. the one who's always there online.. waiting for me to throw questions at him.. and also the one who will never block me no matter how irritating i am (hahahah) imagine u finished ur As.. but still have to solve questions for someone. thanks for helping me with my studies!! haha. anyway congrats for getting straight As for A-level! 2 U but it's S-paper so yea.. who cares. how i wish im like that. =)
-MCS!!!! thanks for all ur support!
-ain! yea.. dance like it's ur last time dancing =)
-jade! thanks for remembering gal! i miss u! miss tp!
-reny
-miko (sorry.. think ive been irritating u for the past few weeks haha)
-tianhon (yeayea thanks for laughing at me. HMPH)
-willie (u too!)
-~~adam~~ (yesh yesh reny)
-desheng
-jonathan
-clara
-kenneth

thanks for all ur wonderful smses!!! LOVE U ALL! =D

(someone's sick. pls pls take care)

2007-04-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO MJ GUITAR!
they got GOLD for syf.. well done miko, aretha, dominic!
im so so proud of u..
MCS too..
how i hope dance will.. u know. haha. im stressed!!!! im literally getting bloodshot eyes now.. even without putting on makeup. jon said i've become skinner? HAHA..
.. ok we can do it =D

anyway history repeated itself.. again
NAPFA today...
2.4km run - A
shuttle run - A
Sit and Reach - A
Situps - A
Inclined Pull up - A
SBJ - D
argh!!!! it's forever like that.. and because of that D.. i got a ~~gold~~silver! SBJ determines all. it really determines if i could get a gold, silver or bronze.. or even fail! it's ALWAYS either all As.. one pathetic C or even D! it's been like that since.. sec sch! ARGH! oh well.. at least it's a D.. at least i dun have to retake =D

____________________________________________
how i wish he will be here for me.. this period of time.. it's still u.. the one i miss..

2007-04-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

heh. 2.4km today.. just as expected. i was the last for the first 2 rounds.. time taken to run the first run: 2.50 mins! last round: 50secs! but now the diff is that.. the gap between me and the 2nd last person was so much wider than before. yea managed to catch up after my 3rd round =) was ranked 1st for those running with my class.. 201, 305, 101 think that's all haha. oh well becos there isnt any kayakers! haha.

so dr rahman came in to my class during chem tutorial and lectured us. so my class was expected to be smart? with an average L1R5 of 10.5 ?! one of the lowest in the whole school? so that's why our expected ranking for chem is 4th?! so we are supposed to perform?! ok fine.
so this is chem

and maths.. ms chua came to me and wants me to swap with tianhon.. so i have to go Lt4 from tmr onwards and he goes Lt5 =X but the thing is.. if i swap with him.. i cant get mr neo at all! BOO! haha. and yea lt4 finished the lecture notes till page 13 and lt5, page 10.. so today ms chua actually stayed back and teach me that 3 pages.. so that i can go LT4 tmr =X haha.

and dance.. scared. MCS trained so hard (even harder than us) and they got a silver.. im scared!!

oh and after dance.. we were scandaling karl and hazel! LOL... okok.. shall not mention the details here.. but it's funny at what happened on the bus. at first he was sitting with me then he moved to sit infront of her to see her better! WAHHA. ok.

i still miss you. but i know u still cant face me.. thanks for at least trying to talk to me today..

2007-04-04T19:11:00.000+08:00

just tired. Just scared. U know how it feels? No, u don't. u just don’t get it. It's just me alright? It hurts, but so? been eating laksa, curry, tomyam.. etc recently.. i dont know why.
perhaps... just wanna forced out the tears..that ive been holding back.. im like.. emotionless now.. want to cry badly, want to scream my lungs out.. but i cant.. Numb to my surroundings. Scandalous, flirtatious, insensitive. I cant be bothered anymore. Im just me.
Like it, good for you.
Don’t like it, go away.

its like a first attempt at something youre not even sure of. its like stepping into a whole new zone. some call it crossing boundaries. some call it a new experience. whereas others love to term it as just an excuse from escaping from reality. now its your turn to tell me how scary it feels to be me. and here i am killing all my brain cells

there's over a million and one things going on at this point of time. but certain memories are still etched close to your heart and mind - as much as you dont want them to. there are some things that id like to figure out, and there are some things i cant do without. like you and you alone, and the people that were never friends. with all the things you could be, you never could learn how to be. and when im finally done with thinking, then im finally done with you.

i really didnt come this far for you to make it this hard for me

i'm feel like i'm getting shorter. guide me and show me the way. what am i supposed to do? why does it drive me nuts. i never thought i'd be this way, yet that's what's happening to me. why do i feel like i'm screwing things up each time? why do i have so many doubts? why is it that my emotions veer from one end to the other each time? set me free. i miss the times when everything was simple and happy. why does it matter so much to me? why does every little thing affect me... and i thought i'd be able to avoid this. and i thought i was the one who didn't really expect anything. but now. when did i start caring so much? when did it start affecting me so badly? ~~it sux.. it really does~~

Mentally drained
Emotionally tired
Physically worn out.

2007-03-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

no school today.. and i end up waking at 12.30pm, online for a while, eat, and went back to sleep... so in another word, i slept whole day! gosh didnt do anything today lah. no self-discipline will die can?! someone, anyone. pls date me out on a study date!! haha.

there's dance tmr morning. heh.
oh well but after that going TM with someone to get something for his special one.
i think its a super sweet thing to go shopping for something for someone special to u.
but it's a super irritating thing to do if u dont have any idea what to get for him/her.
however you will be super lucky if u can find someone to help u with it..
hint! u owe me a treat!! HAHAHAHA..
oh and did i mention that he's willing to spend?! LOL.. she's super lucky.
and ironically, he's my "husband" HAHAHHA!!!! yea i think im super duper nice! LOL jk.
but we havent even "divorce" and he's getting another gal sth! WAHAHAHA.. yea im TOO NICE! lol. okok.. shall not blog too much.. later someone jealous... right? jh? haha
-TPJC 1st 3mths inside joke =)

i'm still in love with tp. honestly.
i still miss the muscle man-mr james ong.
still miss the teacher who praised my handwriting's beautiful-mrs christina koh! (no one ever say it's nice.. they just say messy. BOO!)
still miss the L^3 teacher who always scolds me for sneezing loudly.. for being undemure =X
-miss leow ling ling
and of cos.. s19! <3>

kenneth and clay going blading on fri! BOO!!! i'll be super duper guilty if i go with u ppl can? my blocked test like coming and i didnt even started on any revision.. wait for my blocked test to end lah.. pls pls?? =)) HAHA.

shall study! hahaha.. someone asked me to study with him on thursday.. but but im lazy to travel to EUNOS can?! haha. see first lah. BCME and PCME.. bio and phy. how u going to teach me if i ask u question? haha. oh well but ur C. rox uh?
study with DOREA CHEE YAN YAN better.. (hey gal! u boboz lah. if u reading this then u better date me out! haha.)

i'm bored.

2007-03-08T17:42:00.000+08:00

i snipped off my hair again. was talking to miss sim yesterday and she told us her way to release stress; to scream. haha i dun know what's my method of realeasing stress? cut hair? i suppose.. haha. the very first time i cut my hair short was when i was doing my project work - written report, stared at the blank microsoft word for quite some time and then i went off to cut my hair! hahaha.. oh and she said shikin and sam's getting skinner and skinner and im getting paler and paler.. (do i?) and all these show that we are under stress. but.. u know im not really stress?? im stressed only cause im not stressed! LOL. if u know what i mean.. yea. lots of things not done, even if there's a test tmr.. i still can watch tv/online chatting the previous night.

he says im lazy. she says im super slack.. am i?

_________________________________________________
so this is how Mj condemned its students..
1) by putting the list of chem results from the top student ALL the way to the last position on the notice board..
2) by separating the better ones and the weaker ones (in maths) into 2 different LTs..

sigh. this doesnt motivate me to study harder.. ironically, im like giving up can? oh sheesh.. ok fine.. argh! but it's annoying! i mean why must they judge just based on ONE MAJOR exam! and it's only ONE pathetic mark! i dun wanna go LT5 can?! they say those who get Sub-pass or below for promos will go Lt5 and the rest will be in LT4. ~~THANKS SO MUCH!~~ and guess what?! i missed by ONE mark! argh. just ONE more mark and i can have my lesson in LT4.. why didnt they take into considerations of those marks lost due to carelessness?! haiz and i actually can lose up to plus minus 10 marks cause of carelessness. just cause of Promos. i know i screwed it up lah.. but i PASSED both my recent maths test lah! like PASSED.. not Sub-passed can?! ARGH! ok maybe what my bro say is true.. "when ppl are doing well.. u arent and u actually do better when ppl are not scoring.. this is why whenever there's moderation.. ur marks will never get to be moderated..when majority of the ppl are getting super gd results.. ur results like shit. they dun have to moderate.. when they did badly.. ur marks are ok.. and thus they moderate.. but it doesnt make a diff to u" ~~what RUBBISH is this?!~~

think of the bright side.. i got both my eye candies in LT5 with me! hahaa.. oh and and... ALL the captains from my class are going LT5... soccer captain, life-saving captain, floorball captain, dance.. haha!! oh and guess what.. miss chua was talking to me and tell me not to be too sad blah blah blah er BUT BUT.. IM NOT SAD LAH.. and she said that they will get us back if we do well.. but then again.. when? by blocked test results? midyr? prelims? i dun know. sigh. since we are the weaker ones.. better make sure they give us u know.. that* the lecturer.. the elegant one! haha. i like her! and not.. u-know-who! WAHAHAHAA.

anyway my chem sux. and it still do. i did study lah! sigh.. physics too. ok maybe not hard enough. i guess i know what's my problem.. i understand the lectures (at that time)... but u know.. i dont revise after that and by the next lecture.. i forgot almost everything taught in the previous lecture... sigh. and i take my time to do my tutorials.. opppps..

today compass was on "study methods" ? i dun know. LOL. any medicine to cure laziness?

anyway, GRACE TEO ZHENLAN crashed MJ today! haha. im so sorry dear, no time to accompany u.. haha got extra lesson till 4.15 today! =(

2007-02-19T15:28:00.000+08:00

valentine's and chinese new yr..

valentine was great. flowers and gifts. thanks to all haha. i felt so loved. yea. haha.. cca in the afternoon.. waited for 1hr plus plus with miko for tianhon and willie and MR BRANDON GOHEL! haha. yea had V. DAY dinner with mr gohel haha. I We love Mr BRANDON GOHEL! haha. yea and he ~~loves me~~ love us too! HAHA.

his car is like.. WOW! and i think he's really loaded lah =) this is how cool his car is.. from yea this angle haha.

thanks for all the flowers and gifts =)) .. reny, michelle, manel, yvette, dominic, daren, roy, ken, jane, syaz, wanyee, aini, mrs logan!, volleyball cap (my angel!), dory, fahmi, lihan, ain, james, desheng, waiyin, lyn, adeline, brandon, josh, kenneth, gina and amanda . haha.

someone sent this bouquet of 12 roses (6 orange, 6 blue) to my house.. according to him, he ordered sth* which are supposed to be sent to mjc to me on wed, v. day itself. but i didnt receive haha.. but im glad it got sent to my house instead of school haha. oh well.. imagine carrying a bouquet walking around =.= haha. nah i dun mean anything but yea.. thanks. orange M&Ms, orange bear and orange roses now.. ok im no longer a ORANGE-freak hahaha.. even though im still one sometimes.. but yea..

he's just my fren. =)

anyway.. not that i dun like flowers.. but pls pls.. no flowers pls.. people who know me real well will know what will be the fate of those poor flowers.. im sorry i dun mean to... but it just happened. bleh. ~~reny, if u are reading this, u better not laugh. cos i know u cant handle flowers too! u will kill them! haha joking~~

my v day was yea great.. especially when it ended off with a blast. *you know what i mean* hmm.. haha no comments here. =)) ask me personally online if you wanna know. *giggles*

people only know how to treasure when they are on the verge of losing sth.. that's so true.

CNY..

first day.. was really tired i dun know why. fell asleep at my grandma's house while waiting for my other relatives to arrive before we start setting off to each other house..

i was sleeping on the sofa and my DEAREST brother and cousin have to squash me with huge pillows.. and i was soo tired and didnt even feel anything. ok how unglam.

later going out again.. cousin's house! haha. i wanna watch NORBIT! wanna eat popeyes! wanna go ice skates! wanna go kayaking! haha. ok how random.

=) my "strawberry" tree starts bearing fruits agaiN! yea i love strawberry!

2007-02-07T18:50:00.000+08:00

im not sure what's wrong with me these few days.. sorry if i pissed u off or anything. and im sorry, s209.. u guys know what. shall not mention it here.
im sorry tian hon and willie. im not sure when this "cold war" gonna end. but yea.. i really do not know anything abt it.. ok my fault. alright?
anyway. thanks jon.. for being around.

______________________________________________

no matter how much i deny it, a part of me died when you said those words.
just coz i don't voice out the stuff that's troubling me, it doesn't mean i'm all fine and dandy.
just coz i don't show it, doesn't mean i ain't squirming inside. and none of you know this. and all this time i'm just here, standing by the side, wondering what's going on in that mind of yours, wondering if there's perhaps this chance you'd let me inside. wondering if the moments we shared before, where we could still talk about everything to each other, were a thing of the past, and would remain that way.
i feel distance towards u.. it has drifted away..

i gave up..

2007-02-04T13:41:00.000+08:00

road race yesterday. 225 gal runners and 225 guy runners. dist. for guys = 4.3km and dist for girls is only 3.3km..

during the race. the starting part, i got no idea why EVERYONE start chionging lah.. oh and i was the last. WHAHA.. when i turned around i see no soul and oppps.. panic and speed up too.. managed to catch up later.. oh and this miranda girl (i dun know who is it).. saw me behind her and whisper (loudly) to her fren beside, "hey that girl from dance. we lose to her very tui-nian" whatever! then she blocked my way can?! and i nearly trip and fall! ~~bitch off la~~ in the end i still overtake her. haha so what she's from sports? who says dancers cannot run! BOO!

the silver one is for team event. haha. (cca: club and society.. DANCE got 2nd!) odac got 1st! whatever haha. they shouldnt be under club and society in the first place.. when they train like.. those sports cca! haha. but yea. dance got 2nd!

the bronze one.. haha. individual prize. 14th position. kinda lucky i guess. top 20 all from sports cca like 90%?! oh top 5 all kayakers.. and the rest.. netball, basketball, odac! dance dont run around the track everyday.. so heh. =)

atlas got 2nd for overall =D

2007-01-27T18:39:00.000+08:00

i was quite amazed when i was merging these 2 pictures together. the picture on top was taken ONE YEAR ago. and the picture below was taken recently.

-the position are the same.. reny on the left and i'm on the right.
-the face expression is the same. look at our mouth! (her tongue sticking out and..)
-everything's the same just that..
she had short hair then and long hair now.
I had long hair then and short hair now.
-one taken inside LT. and one outside LT.
HAHAHA.
(oh and i realised my fringe looks the same =X)

HAPPY BDAE DORY!

2007-01-24T19:32:00.000+08:00

i love them.

_______________________________

haha went home after training today. met kenneth and weirong and xiaofang at the tpjc bus stop and joyce too.. on the bus. i miss these ppl!! first 3 mths in tpjc was really a blast and i really miss those times...

-go school early in the morning everyday with jinghuang (aka patricia!) yea he will meet me at my house bus stop at 6.40 / 6.45am ? haha. not that he lives near me though.. he lives in katong! HAHA. shhh..

-go home everyday with kenneth and jh too. haha yay they were so nice to send me all the way to my house doorstep! ok.. not together but ya they take turns?! lol. scared i get kidnapped ya.. HAHA. ok we were really close and really gd frenz. i miss that! and most of all.. i miss elizabeth chin.. though she's now with mj with me. =X u know why.

-yea i love them and now every wed im supposed to go sch with jinghuang again! cos wed i start school at 8.30! YAY! but last last week got principal's address... so no chance. hey dude! msn me!

-where's my ring.

-tpjc 06s19! let's go out for lunch soon.. i miss all of u!! heh

_______________________________

this post is just so random.

2007-01-21T13:03:00.000+08:00

The gravity is working overtime ~~again~~...the corners of my lips are getting pulled down subconsciously, yes i blame it on the extra pull of gravity.

when your world's all topsy-turvy, when everything around you is changing, you just want some things to stay the same, to be stable. to be your pillar of strength, your source of comfort, something you can rely on to feel safe and secure when everything's upside-down and all around. well, i want that.

but you can't always get the things you want. in fact, it seems you can't ever get the things you really want. whatever it is, it's just that it's this period of time i wanna hide somewhere and be allowed to just. cry. and have someone just hug me and let me feel secure. [not tell me everything's gonna be alright, coz we both know it won't. duh.] aaah!!! i'm not depressed k. it's just... i wanna just let myself go.

have no idea what's going on now. first, nearly got knocked down by a lorry just now.. listening to my mp3 and not knowing that the lorry is reversing. second, i spend one entire hour on one qns of maths tutorial.. not that i dont know how to do.. just that.. suppose to integrate, i differentiate. supposed to mutiply by 2, i divide it. and i can actually trip over my ipod wire and fall.. and obviously the ipod dropped. argh. i slept at 9+ last night... just feeling tired but the moment i lie on my bed.. i felt so awake.. and end up sleeping at 1.45am yes spent 4h++ staring at the ceiling.

i'm broke!! $40 every 2 weeks.. investment on eyedrop. gosh so not worth it and im broke. forget it.. not as if it helps. next week i'll just die. ~~ok im joking~~ and my phone bill!!! got to pay it myself this month just becos it exceeded (by a lot) =X but 70% are contributed by dancers can?! some unknown J1s keep giving prank calls/smses asking abt audition but end up never come =X and some like sms asking me for my bdae.. (like why do u need it for?!) ok maybe they arent J1s. not sure. oh sigh.

you know the feeling of just lying there the whole day not doing anything at all? just do nothing but stone. i feel like doing that now. or perhaps have a race with the wind on ur blades... going a such a high speed and later crash into the tree and u-know-what-will-happen-next but before that i need new ball-bearings for my skates.. or maybe kayak with the storm... and got strike by lightning and the paddle splited and get ur hand burnt.. like last time.. ~~ok im really joking. dun start coming to me and tell me everything will be fine and dont think abt it~~

i hate school now. dread going to school.. partly it's becos of.. and partly becos of dance. ok i shall shut up abt this.

havent been seeing my parents for the past few days. they only come home when im sleeping and when im awake, they're still sleeping and i have to head off for school =X oh well, it just feels like last time when im alone at home with my brother when the whole family went china. but but.. i got my dog's company then! ARGH! oh well even when they're around i can hardly talk to them.. ~~if you care.. give me a call.~~

Lies are meant to be told.
Promises are meant to be broken.
Faith are meant to be lost
Dreams are meant to be crushed
Wishing hard doesn't help remove the bitterness of regret of things I could have done.

someone asked me why is my blog always seems so sad, so depressing, so emotional. what do u think? blogs are for letting out isnt it? it's my way of releasing. im sorry. so when i dont blog for a long period of time.. dont urge me to blog... cos im happy =) haha. i dun know what talking me. ok period. i need to rest.

2007-01-18T15:59:00.000+08:00

promises
the ones that keep me going.
the ones that make sure no matter how much i've changed, i do things my way.
the ones that make sure i don't do things that end up breaking a promise, that would result in me lying.

maybe
people keep promises so they won't end up hurting the ones whom they've made the promise to.
or maybe.
i'm just being insolent and foolish. and i haven't grown up

2007-01-16T20:23:00.000+08:00

changes
can i say im not used to it?
can i say i cant adapt it?
can i say i hate it?
i cant...

nightmare gonna come.
i felt as if ive lost everything. everything's just wrong.. so wrong today. (sorry if i piss u off today.. anyone of u.. it wasnt on purpose. im sorry guys)

trainings 3 times a week. consecutive 3 days. im tired..~~my arm's breaking.. it hurts~~ my tutorials my sch work are all dying.. esp my chem yesh! i guess while time was travelling, it forgot all about me and left me somewhere far behind gawking at its speed... ~~reny suggested to ask lihan to intro henry to us (he's just my hi-bye fren) so that he can teach us physics since he's so gd at it.. i dont mind. but yea.. do u even have the time for it?~~

breaking down soon.. i felt so alone.. so lost. it felt as in ive lost my independence. perhaps i just need to grow up soon.. like now?! i regretted. so badly regretted ive picked the wrong choice and everything just happened before i even realised it? i cant quit now.. just gonna carry on with it..
and soon i'll see you in mental hospital.. ~~just admit that u cant dance~~

i should be happy. should be glad. sorry for all the selfish thoughts for now.. but im at a loss now

~~i felt like a puff. lookin hard and happy and nice outside, but hollow albeit for what little creamed up me i had inside.~~

ive been happy, more often than not over the past few days but as quickly as it started, it disappeared. sometimes. people disappoint me. i'm not tryin to sound all high and mighty or anything, that i'm so perfect that i don't disappoint people. i know i must have and i do. but sometimes... just leave me alone for now.

now the flower's gone. and everytime you walk by that patch of grass, looking forward to seeing that beautiful flower, it ain't there anymore. coz you killed it. and there's this hole somewhere in your heart, you feel incomplete somehow. you think back on the happier days, wishing you could bring it back, feeling super lousy knowing that even though you tried your very best to save it, but the moment's long gone. you can't bring it back to the way it was anymore, nor anywhere even close. coz this time it isn't 'you' anymore, but it's the other party, other factors. you lost the moment.

i know u are strong enough for this, gal.

2007-01-13T18:43:00.000+08:00

i actually slept throughout the whole day today =X 13hrs! HAHA
12am to 8.30am (yes i woke up at 8.30am! dont be surprised!)
1pm to 3pm (took a.. long nap!)
4.30pm to 6pm (physics notes make me wanna zzz.. not my fault! so went back to sleep after trying to mug for 1hr+ ... with my com on of cos)

DOREA, MIKO or anyone!!!! u all better date me out to study soon! see how INefficiency i get when im at home?! sigh. im sleepy again. HAHA.. but got show on 7pm to 9pm. haha.. =)

period.

2007-01-13T13:12:00.000+08:00

where's the sun?! when issit gonna be out again..
summer's getting cold..
and thanks to the rain!!! ahhh i wanna go kayaking!! i wanna go windsurfing!! boo!

im sleeping 10-11 hrs a day now (since wed) YESH! after school come back sleep at night sleep again..and im still tired.. gosh. not me. it's the weather that makes me wanna zzz.. haha.. oh and this morning!! gosh some couples getting married and there's like 10+ cars at the carpark?! keeping horning and it woke me up. irritating.

~~original plan for today:~~
~~meeting jean joshua katherine kaijun at pasir ris interchange. we are supposed to go kayaking can?!~~ thanks to the rain! BOO!

random stuff:
I lost another side of earrings =X
I miss windsurfing!!!
oh and did i mention i gain like 5kg?! in less than 2mths?! in just one holiday lah!!! gosh! im happy yet sad. happy cos i can windsurf with the "normal" equipment! which requires u to be at least 50kg! hahaha.. sad cos.. it's such a short time and im able to gain 5kg?! gosh! ~~IM PREGNANT!~~

someone says i send "alienified" smses that's why i received no replies. BOOBOO!!!! just admit u are lousy!WAHAHAHA. dont wanna send u anymore! BOOOOO.. period.

2007-01-01T20:13:00.000+08:00

happy new year! haha. first day of year 2007! guess how did i spend my day.. LOL
with this kuku woman! hahahaha.. dorea chee yan yan-en en! haha <3 lol.
yesh this pic is taken today 010107 not on xmas! LOL. ate happy meal just now.. so..

yes taken on the bus! hahaha...

she became "horny"! LOL!!!!

kuku lah.. everything also wanna bite! WAHAHA.. joking! love this gal loads!!!!! LOL!

sch's starting soon.. like 1 more day?! sheesh im so not ready for J2. im so not ready for syf. one part of me wants the sch to start like real soon.. and the other part.. just dread it. oh well.. europe tour after As! YESH YESH! dory.. set! HAHA.

Anyway..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY HARI RAYA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. MIZUSHIMA EMI! <3!!!

2006-12-30T12:37:00.000+08:00

met up with the usual 209 ppl (minus siwee). went to chiong homework at national library! HAHA.. but havent finish =X LOL! anyway.. i love my elysium jacket! HAHA. yeah.

zi lian-ing in the toilet. tried to take a pic of the jacket from the back.. but apparently.. it failed.

miko took it for me! haha.

<3>

_____________________________________________________

dory!!! i miss u. haha. sunday on? haha. yea popeyes! and... homework =X anway either blogger is down cos of the taiwan earthquake or the internet dun like me... it's super duper laggy and it took me sooo long to upload these pics.

//period

2006-12-28T20:37:00.000+08:00

heard from manda that.. ppl from her sch are talking abt it.
huixian knows abt it. half the sc ppl from her sch were talking abt it.
~~bitch off suckers~~

____________________________________________________

i realised..
it's still you.
im sorry

2006-12-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

ahhhh $295 by tmr. dies.
jackets shirts dryfit EVERYTHING will be done by tmr.
gosh means.. have to pay $295 by tmr too!
paid deborah the full amt $360 for the foot-thongs already and now got zero left. ok maybe not zero. it's -$3! sheesh! for once i really hope the printing guy can take his own sweet time...

~~they cheated me to join dance~~

2006-12-24T12:17:00.000+08:00

argh. yesterday met up with the usual 209 ppl and go ~~ice skate at jurong east~~ plaza sing. walk around aimlessly. willie wanna buy his stuff blah! yes yes we were supposed to go ICE SKATE! was so looking forward to skate lah. then on the very morning willie suddenly says he dun wanna go! so disappointing! if dun wanna skate say earlier lah! dun wait till the very moment when we were abt to set off can

i wasnt in the shopping mood the whole day. im broke in the first place, remember? BOO! oh oh willie claims that he dun wanna sweat that's why he dun wanna skate. SWEAT WHILE ICE SKATING?! monster! ~~(i think he meant he dun wanna get wet! cos he know he's a nood and will fall! haha JOKING!)~~

not gonna blog in details abt yesterday anyway. one word in conclusion. DISAPPOINTING. but the movie at vivo was nice though.. and yea tianhon! wad u did to me in the movie.. u promised not to tell others! hahaha..

anyway yea was "completing" with yanhong few days ago. she argued with me that her outing on 23rd will be more interesting than mine. the house com. actually went ice-skate! (which was where we supposed to go!) sigh. she won. =P blah! i wanna go ice skate la~! hah. oh well miko! roy! u guys said the date is on still right? on sat! HAHA. yea! RENY LIS! u are coming along! im pulling u along WAHAHAH!!!
_______________________________________________

xmas eve. the day i will never forget. u took him away.. ~~RIP~~

-i wanna spend my xmas with u-

2006-12-20T12:06:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just wanted to blog. but dont feel like typing! HAH!
oh well..

15 dec: had our 4e4 gathering at marina square. met siwee and joy! gosh. they had their anderson class gathering too uh? LOL. dinner at swensens. then after that we went esplanade roof top and rot. ok not rot. just.. disturbing those couples there! all their fault! dory rachel and grace keep making me laugh. =X blah!

16/17 dec: had bbq/stay over at willie's house! it was a blast! on the way there met ken and angela! LOL. ok they working together. then later going home together. so dont think too much! WAHAHA. (in case one of them read this and kill me). played stupid games throughout the night. those fingers games.. those black magic yah. it's lame. bridge too! haha. and im the king! wahah! oh and "truth or truth" and they all know abt.. yeaps. kinda sad. till abt 6 plus 7 in the morning. we started feeling tired. so the gals took willie's bed and the guys (actually only tianhon and roy) took the sofa outside. siwee and willie played "soccer" throughout the whole night. or should i say only willie? haha. trying to find someone to defeat. LOL. yea miko and waiyin squeezed me all the way to one corner of the bed lah! and i had to go to shoo tian hon away from the sofa! LOL. the next day willie was so tired and he tried shooing us outta the house so that he can sleep. heh we ignored him totally. stayed till 2 plus 3 before we start packing up and leave LOL.

19 dec: we (miko willie siwee waiyin roy and me!) met up again at national library trying to mug! haha. but no more than 2 hrs. we left the place. holiday mood! SORRY! and we realised that none of us had actually started on our holiday assignment except willie and roy! rahhh! then we went suntec to catch a movie but eragon only front row available. so too bad! went cathay. but timing's not right. so went back to ps and eat! (oh and i met lorencia! haha. so surprised that willie knows her too! his primary sch fren. she's one yr older than me).. oh and throughout the whole day stupid willie and siwee lah. ive got nth against them can?! been make a fool outta myself BLAH!!! (go disturb miko and wy lah!) HMPH.

21 dec: meeting acathyal for dinner. dory's church having musical! (er wait. did she get the date wrong? willie and roy's from riverlife church too and they say the musical is on 22nd!)

23 dec: HAH kinda excited and looking forward to this date! meeting up with them again! celebrate xmas. Siwee! u better come! it's becos of u that we planned it on 23rd! 24th xmas eve and 25th xmas, u can leave it for her! haha! oh and and..

Waiyin supposed to get a present for tianhon.
Tianhon supposed to get a present for roy.
roy supposed to get a present for waiyin.
im supposed to get a present for miko.
miko supposed to get a present for siwee.
siwee supposed to get a present for willie.
and willie supposed to get sth for me!

haha. we drew lots. no cheating! =D

-i realised that the last time i touched my sch work is the last day of sch. and till now. i mean yesterday. when we tried mugging at national library! dies-

xmas wishlist:
the white and black adidas jacket with strips that go across ur.. heart?! (at the front lah) been wanting that since 1 mth ago! argh! yesterday saw it again at cathay! GOSH! and siwee find it nice and he's thinking of buying for mei! hey pls pls. get her sth else. she wont like it if someone's wearing the same thing as her too! pls..

the black and silver rusty pullover! not those glittering silver. just silver. it's a black pullover actually but the word "rusty" is in silver.

ok maybe i should just stop looking at jackets.

Random stuff:
Mango sale! 50% off! i havent shop enough! ahhh. haha. anyone? LOL
"mango" reminds me of someone! no i cant.
no more rain pls. i wanna kayak!
i wanna watch cinderella!
i miss..

2006-11-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

i trusted you..
but in the end.. you still took him away.
however thanks so much that he left peacefully.

we've done all we could.. xray, ultra scanning, blood test...everything. no matter how much it cost.. as long as it can live on.. whole family except me and big bro are overseas now.. he did not even get to see them for the last time... how can u so cruel to take him away?

nearly 5 yrs..

//i love u

2006-11-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

are dogs emotional? is it becos it misses my brother, my mom, my dad so much that it refuses to eat or drink? the chances of it surviving is 50/50..

- liver failure
- it vommitted blood
- refuses to eat or drink and have to be put on drip

it's in the animal hospital now..
- did blood test
- x-ray
doctor said it's virus infection and his liver failing, hepatitis...
worst of all, 2 days of hospital fees already cost up to $500.. and right now.. no adults are around.. tmr blood test again.. another 100 bucks.. but please no matter what.. just let it recover.. please.

i miss you.

2006-10-28T11:17:00.000+08:00

met up with dorea..
we kinda got lost.
met joey and tingxuan was there.
so long never see them and they are.. still the same =)
tingxuan has to go.. so left joey
eecher came.
we had lunch together.
me dorea joey eecher
that's morning.

raining.
went home put my blades
(dun wanna blade in the rain/wet ground with my K2XP)
went to interchange to meet s209
went to east coast to blade/cycle
rented their blades.. LOUSY.. it was SO SLOW..
played pool
home

to reny: hey gal! thanks so much know this period ive let u worried.. but hey im fine lah.. saw ur msn nick.. kinda weird LOL.. not abt me right? HAHA.. let's go on hot date soon!

to tian hon: hey boy boy! yea we peace.. haha. ermm know u have tried all kinda ways.. stupid ways to make me laugh during that period of time. yea im alright lah. THANKS.

to lyn: haha. thanks babe. i know u will always be there. so am i. haha.

to jh: hey! thanks a million. really kinda shocked when see ur tag. ya lah we are always frenz lah. since when we are not.. dun worry i will PESTER U! haha.. since u love it so much! LOL

to ber: yesh honey! we WILL go out soon. LOVE U TOO!

to jon: hey thanks u called so many times and yah.. dun worry lah. im fine.

just one word.. THANKS!

2006-10-15T20:39:00.000+08:00

well.. at least.. ive seen ur smile.
and that's enough =)

2006-10-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

he told me that he flirts cause he wanna forget her..
he told me that he got himself attached because he wanna make himself give up on her..
he told me that whatever he did is just to see her smile.. just because he knows that his departure makes her happy..

and because of this.. he has hurt another her..
____________________________

she told me she falls just to climb higher the next time..
she told me she bleeds so that when the blood dries up it will stop the bleeding..
she told me whatever she did is just to let them pay more attention to her..

and because of this.. she has lost herself..
____________________________

are they really selfish? or are they not?
//stay with me.. will you?

2006-10-01T13:38:00.000+08:00

rahhhh!!!! wakeboarding at reservoir!!! STUPID PROMOS!

i always thought i had the upper hand at things. this time round however, i felt undermined.
seriously.. i need a wake up call
promos starting tmr.. yet revisions are only half way through. been slacking the whole week.. gosh just what am i doing.. and yesh, even NOW.. im blogging instead of mugging! ~~slap myself~~
seriously just cant wait for it to end.. so short yet so long..

stupid tian hon.. just received a sms from him.. he actually wished me happy children day =X oh kenneth wished me last night too..er well corrections, it's this morning.. at 12+ am? am i so kiddy?! rahhhhh~!

ok.. someone saw me online and she's shooooing me off now to mug =X
tata

2006-09-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

no matter how much i deny it, a part of me died when you said those words... i lost some of that last few bits of innocence, the part that trusted... my naive faith in people died.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.
-save me, pls-

2006-09-16T22:24:00.000+08:00

too different = arguements?
too alike = repulsion?

i'm tired.
sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just can't save it, no matter what

2006-09-13T20:57:00.000+08:00

~~bitch off!!!!!!!!~~

.. u just dun know her well enough..

2006-09-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

cant u just leave me alone?! what's the problem with you?! directing ppl's attn to me so that they will not focus on you and find out those stuff that you've done?! drowning me with your saliver?! you're pissing my ass off!!!

i guess i just need time. sticks and stones may break my bones... but words hurt too, from within. they break the heart.

I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight...yea i just shouldnt
just go ~~fcuk off~~ and pls.. ~~get outta my sight~~

promises
the ones that keep me going.
the ones that make sure no matter how much i've changed, i do things my way.
the ones that make sure i don't do things that end up breaking a promise, that would result in me lying.
maybe
people keep promises so they won't end up hurting the ones whom they've made the promise to.
or maybe.
i'm just being insolent and foolish.
and i haven't grown up

sometimes i feel like gravity is working overtime.
the corners of my lips are getting pulled down subconsciously, i blame it on the extra pull of gravity.
when your world's all topsy-turvy, when everything around you is changing, you just want some things to stay the same, to be stable. to be your pillar of strength, your source of comfort, something you can rely on to feel safe and secure when everything's upside-down and all around. well, i want that.but you can't always get the things you want. in fact, it seems you can't ever get the things you really want.
wuss, wimp, whatever. call me whatever you want, it's just that it's this period of time i wanna hide somewhere and be allowed to just cry. and have someone just hug me and let me feel secure. [not tell me everything's gonna be alright, coz we both know it won't. duh.] aaah!!! i'm not depressed k. it's just... i wanna just let me go

sorry

2006-09-08T11:06:00.000+08:00

belated. blah:
jean chan
charles
thor jia wei
rachel lim
graham lim
chrestella setiyadi
joey chan
siti nur ain
yvette
etc..

2006-09-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

had a wonderful bdae.. haha
thanks a million!! love you all! went to town.. im tired!!!

sms received (in order HA!):
amanda chong hui yi
yang jie han
cherlyn tan yi jia
Mohamad Faizal Bin Mohamad Jasni
lu zi hao
joslyn yong kai en
edward ho
wing chu
belinda poon hui min
jonathan wong
lyn lee shiao an
lim jing huang
esther xu hui
elizabeth chin
jean ho
kenneth wong
fahmi
chu chui laam
lis reny
kimberly germain
cryystal lee
krishanthan surendran
christopher yeo
miko tan mei jia
joshua ng yiwei
aaron teng shan rong
ng kai jun
vivien shiao shufen
tianhon
yeo wanqi
dorea chee

those who called/tried to call:
joslyn
adam
faizal
fiona
cassandra
tan yi ling

letterbox:
jiehan (hey thx.. didnt expect a present from u. next time dun drop it there. give it to me personally lah!)
wenhao (whooohoo.. really never expect to receive a card from u!! thx!)

MSN (cant remember order! lolz):
leow siwee
ryan
tian hon
daryl kum
nico ho
clarice toh
freda luo
dorea chee
amanda tan
grace teo

Friendster Testimonials:
joel
josleen poh hui ling
nico ho chee wei
mingwei
lee wan ling
chuan
cryystal lee
edward ho
jason lee yu ming
nicole tan wanping
sherlene
tracy
amanda
jason chan
sharan
weirong
lis reny
adam ng
ken ng

blog taggies:
lyn
cherlyn
jessie
strawberry
nico
wenhao

personal message to wingchu:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TOO, TWINNIE!!!!!

i love strawberry

2006-09-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

just "be urself" =)

i love her~ haha. LIS RENY!

//oh.. first prezzie received!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KHADIJAH!

2006-08-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEY CHAN!!!
haha.. conferenced with joey etc just now.. kinda funny. bitchy too. gosh.

anyway take care ya? dont get well soon, get well NOW! haha.
____________________________

at departure hall..

just love that sun-glasses and cap. (not mine though)

meet lil' zidane!

and the Ho couple (mr edward and mrs jean)! haha.

and my mom!

hahaha.. went to airport after econs lecture today.. they all going hongkong lah.. (yea it means..freedom! haha joking)

//[i miss berry]

2006-08-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

c.j. cheer up please.. take it easy ya? =)
______________________
anyway...
i dun know what to say.. i wont say much and i cant say much..
just that. please dont feel guilty..

..whatever u do.. its fine
(strawberry berry)

2006-08-20T22:57:00.001+08:00

yesh! i attempted to mug! haha.. but well.. end up in dreamzzz land again
haha and u* have to take this pic! heh!

dont feel like blogging.
period.

one man i can never meet. Him, i would like to give my whole heart to.

2006-08-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

it's been a really long time eversince.. [i miss my laughter, not gonna care if u say im crazy haha] my strawberry never fails to make me smile. and i love my strawberry to bits! haha. yeapz and till now then i know chou pi is so good at singing! yesh i do love the black little creature! but my yellow one is cuter definitely! haha.

only my strawberry understands what im blogging! hahaha.. u made my day! <3!>

roxie hart!! in love with them!

ok i miss kayaking. somebody? someday?

2006-08-09T11:27:00.000+08:00

anw, i guess i just need time. sticks and stones may break my bones... but words hurt too, from within. they break the heart. hmmm thought it sounded really cool, guess it's true too. but it's okay. i'm okay. sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just can't save it, no matter what

it's just too late.

oh i miss my strawberry

2006-07-30T15:30:00.000+08:00

"pretty, skimpily-dressed young things who flaunt their assets on their blogs. often accused of cam-whoring, the practice of taking flatering photographs of themselves and posting them online."

NYP students again. check it out (it's in the news)
meetlilprincess.blogspot.com

//just bored

2006-07-29T16:45:00.000+08:00

bruises.. again-
just simply ~~sux~~

2006-07-24T20:47:00.000+08:00

i just wanna study with you..
like then.
//period//

2006-07-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

2006-07-15T13:34:00.000+08:00

what do people call a friendship
-without any trust
-getting paranoid easily
-not being there for each other at their lowest moment
-taking it for granted
-not wanting to hear explanations
-not wanting to meet up
-curse and swear about the other part.. like.. FO?
closed friends?! no.. perhaps not even close at all in the first place that's why ended up like that.. in a mess.

it's not me. i say it again. how did i manage to get so many diff numbers? even if i borrow it.. how can i keep with me overnight? for days? etc?

i told her everything.. and that's becos i cant tell u anymore.. but i didnt know that she will do that.. i showed her.. just her.. that webby.. and that's all.. issit wrong to vent anger? to find an outlet? or do i have to keep it inside of me and wait for it to explode one day?

enough said. i will just FO.

2006-07-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

guess who i met in gym today?! stranger!
ha.. ok it's just 2 gals.. i dont know them.. but what caught my eyes was.. the shirts they were wearing!! one - tpjc orientation shirt.. and one - the shirt that i designed!!! lolx. ok it's tpjc interact club tee! haha.. that time jh asked me help him design.. then i just anyhow play play draw one design and they actually use it! black-based and orange font! where's my credit?! haha joking. JH! u didnt even tell me!!! HMPH. ok was really shocked.

after gym went to changi village to have dinner.. sat there till 10 plus.. laugh and chat lahz.. no eye-candy to look at.. ok i mean gays. haha.. nono they arent my eye candy though.. but some can be so pretty lah. yupz. then candy pretend to be one.. walk on the street, shaking her butt like some bimbo.. lolx.

just reached home. scoldings. roar..

___________________________________________
phone conversation with joslyn:

joslyn "wahlao.. stop going to gym lahz gal, u wanna kill time to stop ur brain from wandering around, dont have to sarcrifice ur knee right?"

me "haha it's not what u think lah. im fine.. really.. LOLZ.. stop my brain from wandering? where?"

joslyn "stop it can? what happened. anyway.. did u see any 6-pacs? (giggles)"

me "6 pacs.. hmm 6 fats.. have lahz.. u want uh? can intro u haha!"

joslyn "so how's ur knee?"

me "aching. not only knee lah.. whole body aching haha"

silence..

at the same time...
joslyn "nydc? when?"
me "wanna go nydc someday?"

at the same time..
"JINX!"

at the same time..
"JINX ur JINX!"

-laughs-

2006-07-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

ahh all Fs.. MID YR sux.. transfer back to tpjc? will they accept me again? transfer to poly? hmm chrestella's withdrawing from MJ.. tmr's her last day. oh well.

gosh cant believe that miko and wai yin actually think that me and haoyi are together?! oh this is so wrong. yea haoyi, should keep a dist. now uh? HAHA.

bad mood. they're still in hospital. argh
period

2006-07-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

-aaron teng
-joey chan
-jonathan
-joel ang
-patricia leow
-andy lim
-amanda yee
-eugene lin
they are all in dragon boat now! gosh.. and they were all at bedok reservoir on sat/sun. damn. only see 2 ppl outta 8. aaron and pat. that's all. y MJC no dragon boat?! wassup with dance. ok.. everyone's questioning me.

went NYP with manel yesterday to do survey
mervin is sick. no more tour guide =/
he has been gossiping to *her abt me obviously.
*she just has to stand there for so long, pointing fingers at us to *her frenz
manel wanted to ask *her to do the survey since she saw *her standing there nothing to do
but she told me that she cant stand *her face and that's why didnt ask
smart girl =]
she told me abt *her before i could even tell her anything.
and i have to tell her the truth. everything.
cos she sensed sth's wrong
yes it is.
now you now. how hurting uh.

met raymond.
he's so nice compared to others.
just pass him 10 copies of my survey forms
ask him to ask his classmates to do
he took only 6 =/
but still, he's nice.

wont be giving a damn abt ppl who cant be bothered anymore. no point talking. no point clearing things up. no point holding on to a one-sided friendship. he has chosen what he wants
/period/

2006-06-25T02:12:00.000+08:00

ppl having fun.. having BBQ
why do u even bother if the project will be finish on time?
it's not ur project in the first place
time now is 2.13am
you should be in bed..
no call no sms.. nth
since ppl cant be bothered.. you should go sleep too.
why do you worry so much.
you're just nobody at all
he says "i cant be bothered with ppl who dont give a damn"
yes that's the spirit.

//period//

it's funny how i only start blogging when things aren't going my way. an outlet, maybe? well if you know me, i'm not really into the whole "let's tell the world abt my wonderful life" kinda thing. so you shouldn't come here trying to dig into my very happening life. sorry.

2006-06-22T18:19:00.000+08:00

if i could just fix... maybe the boat we were both supposed to be in together had a hole. and now there's lotsa water coming in.When you try your best but you don't succeed [am i'm not trying hard enough?]...And the tears come streaming down my face..When i lose something i can't replace? When i love someone but it goes to waste..Could it be worse?[please say that won't happen. please . please let me save it in time. please.] i need that second chance, for the break that would make it okay. please pull me from the wreckage of my silent reverie. please stop this storm that keeps on twisting me...

And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand [but you just might...] When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

2006-06-15T10:47:00.000+08:00

somehow i simply dont get it.
why when certain guys/girls know that someone from the opposite gender has a liking for THEMselves, and THEY know that THEY are not interested in them at all..
THEY just didnt wanna tell them straight. or avoid them.
THEY just dun want them to stop liking THEM even though THEY do not like them at all.
THEY just simply let them have the wrong idea.
perhaps THEY just want special treatments from them
special attention.

~~yucks. ugly human nature~~

2006-05-28T12:21:00.000+08:00

bladings.
movies.
studying.
pool.
shopping.
te*t-ing.
birthdays.
airport.
phone and homework at the same time.
phone and tv shows at the same time.

i gave up

2006-05-27T08:57:00.000+08:00

no sch yesterday.. so proud of our soccer guys.. even though they lost to VJ.. but well they really did their best lahz.. cant believe it.. it's just tyko can?! stupid.. we got the first goal then they got in one too.. so it's 1-1. then later we got in another.. 1-2 we were leading.. but at the very last min.. ok nvm sth just happened. argh. pls lahz.. i dunno why there's so many penalty.. VJ got SO MANY free kicks! and if they are really that good.. they would have won long time ago.. argh..

well.. after the match went bugis with eliz. haha.. yea.. gosh.. ppl got so obsessed lahz "hey u 2 look alike leh! gosh.. turn around i wanna see ur face.." (we turned and smiled.. then turn back) "hey turn around again leh.. i wanna see.. gosh ur mouth looks alike.. the teeth.. everything. can we take a picture of u 2" haha.. ok that's usual.. in tpjc and mjc now.. haha.

eliz saw the messages.. and she advice me to reject.. to say no.. but.. i dunno..
-went to nyp
-went heeren
-went far east
-went plaza sing

it was my fault this time round.. im sorry.. 1 hrs plus.. it wasnt easy..
argh... "throw all handphones outta window!"
so sorry.. "emily rose, shall we?"
________________________
her existence makes me cry.
why does she have to do at that very moment.
perhaps..

yet ironically.. she's my friend

2006-05-21T12:39:00.000+08:00

promises shattered, answers don't come

friends say goodbye, plans come undone

dreams get crushed

lies get told

words can turn cruel

hearts can grow cold

this helpless, twisted pain is something i can't handle.
"in a broken world where we cry to feel some hope that helps these hearts to heal"
_________________________________
kayaking, blading, skating, windsurfing, neoprints, movies.. the list goes on.. but it just ended here. plans come undone. that's it..

//period.

2006-05-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

angel in disguise.. HAHAactually.. it's just the lighting.. LOLz.

2006-05-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

RoNzzz... ~~skcuy...ynapmoc wen stog eh ecno erofeb mih depleh d'ohw esoht tuoba tegrof..sdneirf dlo tuoba tegrof lliw ohw enoemos~~

2006-05-15T22:34:00.000+08:00

i love her.. LIS RENY!

and her, ELIZABETH CHIN YUN WEN!

the are the ones that make my life in MJ fun.. haha.. but eliz, though we did not talk as often now.. but i still love u! haha. miss those times when ppl couldnt recognise us =] i still miss u.. though i see u everyday in sch.. reny! haha.. i think i will not take it if i couldnt hear ur voice for more than 2 hrs in sch.. hahah.. spoilt radio!

missing lots of people now.. dun ask me why.. belinda poon! dorea chee! aretha loh! grace teo! jodine yam! dinah hew! rachel lim! haha.. yea. missing those ppl from losers' bench.. missing old tp s19.. missing eufouria.. missing acathyal.. missing jantagx (sorry graham, i forgot ur bdae!), missing guiding life, missing tp kayakers..

surprisingly, i dun miss L^3! hahaha.. oppps.. just kidding.. she's VERY resourceful.. and if she saw this.. i die. ok i miss her. oh yesh.. Missing JAMES ONG! and CHRISTINE KOH!

lot more.. period.

2006-05-13T10:05:00.000+08:00

alfred (from soul-superband) and renfred (from campus superstar) are actually blood-related brothers.. hmm i didnt know until 2 days ago.. know them individually but haha.. didnt know they are linked! hmm such a small world.

anyway.. cca elections are over.. proposals and more proposals to come.. gosh.. thought i will be free from those after i left tk! hmm.. oh well..

__________________________________________________

so you did go away

now i'm left here all alone
but i ain't gonna beg you to stay
though i'll still miss your voice on the phone.

you don't need me anymore,
don't want me anymore.

i know without me you'll do just fine
it's just that inside i'm sore
gotta stop comforting myself in rhymes
i'm really turning into such a bore.

but i still need you somehow
still miss you somehow

and i ain't gonna shed you a tear
it's not so bad you know
learn to control my fears
just gotta let you go.

guess i just can't have the best of both worlds, no matter how much i want. perhaps i'm a liability to you now, a splinter in your skin, a fly in your face, a smear you just hafta erase. but it's alright... is it?

zombiefied.. i need to Zzzz

2006-05-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

i hate this.. yucks. this totally sux. WORDS ARE MEANT TO BE LIES! PROMISES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN! yucks.. sorry. it's not (only) directed at u.. who totally spoilt my day today.. but yahz it's cumulative. hate it so much. bitch off pls. if that's ur final decision why cant u tell me straight from the start.. why do u have to tell me yes then no then yes again then no? why are u giving me hopes at one moment then smashed it all up.. i hate this.. get me out of it.. bitch off! and you.. pls stop it.. you, you and you.. all of you.. bitch off!
argh )(%$!#^$*!)#@!($&!*(@()($%*$(%) this totally sux! and you.. why must you keep lying.. argh what will happen to u if u tell the truth?!
im sorry for those ppl whom i accidentally vented my anger at.. im sorry momma, sorry reny, sorry jh, sorry kenneth, sorry vanna, sorry tianhon, sorry roy..~~argh.. what a bad day.. lies lies and more lies, get used to it! sorry for the offensive language used~~
leave me alone
//period

2006-05-07T20:09:00.000+08:00

(no choice have to do this.. since i lose the bet.)

soul..
justis, andy, ishi, awi, alfred.
superband top 11? haha. and they got the highest score last week.. this week.. energy's more than words.. hmm
as promised.. im supposed to go tonight.. for the filming but so sorry justis, i got spa on tue and phys and econs test on wed.

anyway yea, i miss meeting justis and andy on tue!!!! thanks lahz.. so busy with ur superband competition and no time for us.. hmm.. (ok this sounds wrong.. only *they understand what im saying) haha.. ya yinnnz?

but yahz.. lah.. it's gd to be busy.. the future superband.. what to do? haha//

im bored. ok justis.. stop calling me.. promise i will go down and support next week k? yesh i know u all SURE will get in =]

2006-04-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

no blogging mood..

//period

2006-04-28T21:50:00.000+08:00

-maths test today. too tired too sick to study last night.
-leave sch at 9.30am (too sick to stay on)
-right after the maths test
-cant attend colosium..
-feeling so sick during the test and my mind isnt working properly
-didnt finish the paper
-went to the doctor..
-gosh he gave me a jab..
-painful.. he spent like dont know how long.. finding my veins.
-lousy..
-feeling tired after taking medicine.
-tmr's my cousin's wedding.. going church in the morning.
-random.

2006-04-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

till now.. u still do not mean what u say..

//NUM bag.. i dun want it anymore though i love it so much..

2006-04-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

just lies.. i knew it all along..

it won't be tainted by the ugliness now. and sometimes i wonder why one so close could feel so far away. why we can't talk anymore. why little things you do or say matter to me, yet you can't see. and why, you can't understand what i feel inside. and what, you're supposed to be the one that understands me best? well it sure doesn't seem that way. coz if you do, i wouldn't feel so sad right now. sad, that you can't understand me at all. sad, that we just don't see eye to eye no more. sad, that you matter more to me than i to you. sad, that you don't know how i feel, what i think inside.

and just coz i don't voice out the stuff that's troubling me, it doesn't mean i'm all fine and dandy. just coz i don't show it, doesn't mean i ain't squirming inside. and none of you know this. and all this time i'm just here, standing by the side, wondering what's going on in that mind of yours, wondering if there's perhaps this chance you'd let me inside. wondering if the moments we shared before, where we could still talk about everything to each other, were a thing of the past, and would remain that way.

well. whatever it is, i'm still here. just that shadow that's behind you as always, ready to catch you if you fall, if you let me. the shadow that'll always be here for you, even though you don't see me. even though it doesn't seem that way.

the shadow that's always gonna be one.
the shadow that's always here for you
the shadow that's passive.
the shadow that'll always be with you.
the shadow that's crumbling up within, behind you.
the shadow that's trying to be strong for you.
the shadow that seems to disappear when the sun comes up strong, yet is always there, smaller coz you don't need me.the shadow, that remains unseen

2006-04-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

(17/4) :
highlight of the day: me and reny ate ice-cream in GP lesson!! haha.. actually.. the whole class was always eating (we were given permission to do so.. cos Mr yeo says he rather us eat in class than to sleep in his class) but this time round.. it's ICE-CREAM! haha.. siwee, willie, tian hong, ryan ate too.. (oh it's them who bought it for us by the way)

hmm sch ended at 5.05pm went to tpjc bus stop to change bus as usual.. met joshua (from sajc) haha!
_______________________________
me, "hey! how's the soccer match? SA vs RJ at tp uh?"
josh, "ehhh? 1-all"
me, "hey seriously, u look short in this uniform.. know why? SA.. diff colour top and pants.. then u wear ur pants at ur butt there.. make ur legs look shorter lah"
josh, "u jealous lahz.. that im taller than u.. haha.."
me, "u are just taller than me by a little lah.. from far u look shorter than me! pls lahz.. u J2 already but still so short.."
josh, "jealous.. jealous.. haha..dont need jealous lahz.. haha.. "
joshua (from tpjc) "BOO! (from behind)"
me, "ahh.. hello!! branson-joshua! haha(oh i love to call him that.. his name is just nice)"
joshua, "hi haha..lol.. u very funny"
josh, "huh?"
me, "er nono he's called joshua too! hahahaha"
_______________________________

(18/4) yesterday:
morning was spoilt. yesh. went to sch, met chrest and she told me she's not going E.T. then hwei ting came.. and she told me there's a high chance she's not going too.. cos her dad.. blah blah blah* and then chrest told me ain's thinking of backing out.. argh! right now, im just praying for a miracle.. pls pls hwei ting! let it happen.

then we had econs.. Ms sue gave back our scripts and guess what? everyone failed (badly). haha highest 5/20! haha

(how pathetic)

well had chemistry test today too.. gosh.. 3 long qns.. many parts.. 40 mins? 1st part wrong.. all wrong! yah.. so it's either u get really high or low.. yupz. well it ~~sux.~~ first qns already do not know how to do! ~~yucks~~

cca is cancelled. sorry haoyi, haha.. supposed to go home with u after my cca.. but too bad.. since no cca, i go first lahz.. lolz. opps.

on the way home with andrea.. haha

ok i cant wait for thur.. TPJC vs MJC! soccer match.. Venue: TPJC! haha.. ok the whole big group of us (ex-tpjians) are going back to support... MJ.. lolz.. (sorry lahz.. even though we all miss tp, but we cant support tp in mj uniform right?) .. cant wait for sat, tpjc carnival! haha.. then after that.. eufouria gathering!!! lolz i miss my tk ppl! haha..
_______________________________

(19/4) today:
yay! hwei ting going E.T. with me! but then.. ain backed out!!! argh..
period.
_______________________________

somehow i miss you. sometimes. yet at other times, it seems like you weren't ever in my life. oh wells.i miss you too. but i don't want to.

and i miss you. kinda saddens me how i hafta find out more about your life through your blog. and why we can't talk like last time anymore. it's quite painful in a sense. that one whom i'm supposed to be closed to once is so distant from me now, and all i know is the stuff i read from some online diary thingy that the whole world reads as well. like i'm standing from afar watching you live your life with no part for me, no part with me.

for the gap in my heart you left, i'll fill it with brownies and chocolates and icecream and milo dinosaur... but it'll never be the same. i'll just get fatter and the food will just rot, but the hole you left will never be repaired to make me whole again. please understand: it's not that i'm hurting over some relationship -_- [erps.] it's that i'm hurting over a lost friendship.

2006-04-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

forces, mole concept, redox, kinematics, functions, trigo. yucks.. cant believe my troubles revolve around these. i need a life.. period.

june hols.. expedition around ubin in kayaks! anyone? msg me!

"world is cruel, love is blind. lost in sadness, blur in mind. time has passed, flames have died. heart is broken, (HE's) she's not mine."-kouped from jinghuang's blog from terence's msn nick =) haha

Happy Birthday TAN SIYING!!! and GRACE TEO ZHEN LAN!!! (haha)

[i really have no idea what i want in life. and at times, i feel like a zebra. completely unknown to what i really am. constantly asking myself if i'm actually white with black stripes or am i just black with white stripes. a confusion of both.]

2006-04-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

someone told me that this is bag is limited edition.. hmm but it's just so "un-limited" to me.. it's just so common.. check it out.. hahahha

2006-04-09T10:37:00.000+08:00

i wanna smash myself against the wall
or dump myself into a blender
maybe let the dogs eat mushed-me
and nothing i shall remember.

and all the things that i regret
(i really wished there was a way)
flushed with me down that toiletbowl
(to perhaps erase some parts of today)

ah. raah. i suck right. i just don't know how to handle things well, handle them properly. and i end up screwing everything up, even myself. oh wells.

harsh words and hidden secrets that nobody knows. so many tricks and so many lies. burnt out, wasted, im feeling completely empty. today is just yesterday's tomorrow. dont expect much for im warped and twisted. a simple void, is that what ive really become? the hollowed sphere on the pendulum swinging back and forth. am i just like it? never stopping and never ceasing motion. no reasons, no answers, no justifications. just passing through time as time passes me by. slowly i fade in and out of reality - my heart empty, my soul torn apart. wondering where i went wrong. i ask, i question, i fantasize. only to find there is no answer. leaving me anything not but empty.
______________________________

good choice of template.
lime green and black.
her favourite colour(?)

the names on the taggie.
bring Joy to (everyone) u..
well..

u had never wanted a blog when i asked u then.. but.. now u even call/link me the way she calls/links me.. im no longer in wonderland.. this is the reality..
i realised, ive not been strong afterall..

2006-04-01T22:29:00.000+08:00

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
'Til the end of time, forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you
It's all brand new
My life is now worth while
I can't imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rushed to set me free

cant imagine me without you.
______________________________
anyway, HAPPY BDAE NICOLE TAN! haha.. hope u are reading this though..
oh and today thanks lahz.. got conned so many times yaya.. happy april's fool day!